Freedom from Bondage.
As today is the first day of Passover, I’m giving this update a “freedom from slavery” flair. For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Passover, here’s a short synopsis:
The Passover story tells how the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt for generations, suffering under harsh conditions. God heard their cries and sent Moses to demand their freedom from Pharaoh. When Pharaoh refused, ten plagues struck Egypt, each more severe than the last. Finally, Pharaoh relented and let them go. The Israelites fled quickly, with no time for their bread to rise—which is why matzah is eaten during Passover. After 40 years of wandering the desert, they reached the Promised Land. This story is celebrated as a triumph of freedom over oppression, a reminder that liberation is possible even in the darkest times.
In the beginning, I was enslaved by my grief. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Day after day, it kept me in my own personal bondage. It felt like things would never get better, like I was trapped in a prison I could never escape.
Back in 1998, I had no model for what healthy grief looked like (I was also 26 years old—so even if there were models, I was too busy doing my own thing). So I sentenced myself to a life of pain and misery. One day, I was sitting in your room, crying, and I realized that Lauren’s car accident was killing me too. I wasn’t going to let that happen. It wasn’t fair that the accident took her life—I wasn’t going to let it take mine, too.
Despite the weight of my grief, I decided that every single day I was going to get just a little bit stronger, learn to manage my emotions a little bit better, and focus my thoughts on what I have—not what I lost. If I could just be 1% more effective than I was the day before, I’d be 7% better by the end of the week, and 30% better by the end of the month.
Now remember, that’s only theoretical math. In reality, I’d make my 1% improvements for a few days, then slide back 2%. But as long as your 1% gains outnumber your setbacks, you’re making progress. And I value progress over perfection.
It’s been 26 years of wandering the desert for me. And even though I may still be wandering, I’m not lost. Every day, I wake up and ask the universe to help me make those 1% improvements. I think the Promised Land for me is helping others navigate their grief—or at least pointing the way.
Your Promised Land is something different. Keep wandering. Because liberation is possible—even in the darkest times.